Have Yourself a Rockin' Holidaze

You can take Bing Crosby's roasted chestnuts and shove them straight up Santa's frostbitten keester for all I care. The rockers of the world have zero time for any such saccharine shenanigans. Even when the weather outside is frightful (but inside it ain't so delightful, because your senile aunt Marjorie is once again busting chops about something or other), we crave rock 'n' roll sass in our holiday tunage. The louder the better, all you eggnog-guzzling elves! So, start jamming our Rockin' Holidaze playlist ASAP. It's got all kinds of top shelf numbers. There are standards galore for sure: The Boss howling about how Santa is coming to filthy Asbury Park, Bobby Helms rocking those rockabilly jingle bells and, of course, Darlene Love and Phil Spector going hog-wild tragic with the creep's "wall of sound" dramatics. (A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector really is the best holiday album of all time.)

Just as awesome is all the high-volume obnoxious stuff, songs for angst-ridden loners who make drunken fools of themselves at their holiday work parties. How about slipping into that St. Nick fat suit and ripping air guitar to Jimi Hendrix's "Little Drummer Boy / Silent Night / Auld Lang Syne" medley? Or, why not burn down the family tree while blasting blink-182's "I Won't Be Home for Christmas"? And seriously, the fact that Judas Priest screecher Rob Halford actually recorded a version of "What Child Is This?" absolutely tickles my metal boner. Merry Yuletide, wankers!

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